Diary of a Lagos drama

My plane just landed

Been staring at my keyboard for the past 5 minutes and I just don't know what to type. Should I start by saying how sorry I am or should I tell you how happy I am to be back or should I just continue from where I stopped? Let me consult the gods for a minute.

*Off to commune*

MOBY: Hello gods... (Habeebah, Duru and Ugo) I offer you these kolanut, palm oil and biscuit...how you wan make I take do this thing o???

ASSOCIATION OF THE GODS: Do it anyhow you want to...we are strongly behind you.

*taking position...one leg up...two fingers in the air*

Mobylizers toh badt.....Mobylizers toh splufik......Mobylizers toh duro kampe on two legs.... The unshakable mobylizers that got my back anyday anytime....watagwan...

*switch to my British accent*

How y'all doing? You good? That's wasap ma nizzlessss...

Let me just say sorry small... for leaving without saying a word...I am so sorry. Please have mercy on me cos I am just a child. I just really needed a balance in my life (that's the truth). You remember I mentioned I got a job... trust me, Moby wasn't ready for such transition. Waking up by 6 a.m is not beans at all. Double twale to everyone working on the island... And the annoying part, I had to keep my dramatic self under control for a while but mehn I couldn't keep up for long. My head wanted to burst... My true self just had to show its beautiful head.

I know you want to ask how work is? Work is good but kinda boring. I have amazing colleagues. There's Mr 'f@#king" Femi. He says the 'F' word more than the originator of the word. He makes the office lively most times. When he's busy and quiet, the office becomes really boring...but when he's in the mood, tha sh*t goes down...hehehe. There's Dr. Dami...I like her most... She's pretty cool... She is a confirmed butty..and she is an underwear expert. If she starts telling you about bra and pant ehn, you go fear na...hehe. I guess she'll be doing a few posts sometime in the future. Then there's Mr. Yomi. He is my closest friend in the office at the moment. He is verrry cool and tha nigga is in love mehn. He loves his girlfriend like I love coke. Talking about coke, I think they'll be banning the consumption of coke in my office because of me. I take more bottles of coke now than ever. No one must tell Iya Dayo or else (I have not forgotten our 'mama drama' series o...my mother's drama seem to be getting worse each passing day...hehehe) and finally, there's Dr. Duro... she calls me Lady B (how cute....*blushing*). She is like the mother of the family...I like her too sha.

Not to bore you all plenty...I have lots of gists for us all... this post won't take all of it. Just stick around if you don't want to miss any gist. Guess who fell in love again? Hehehehe... Don't judge yet o... There's still Leboo in the picture...before all of you start calling to hear first hand gist...

Guess who's getting the instagram fever? You guessed right o. Moby is now an instagram addict. I've moved my stalking '007' moves to Instagram. If by chance you see this post and you have a feeling that I am not stalking you yet, please leave your Instagram name in the comment section and I promise to follow you and stalk you in the process. My Ig name is @mz_moby. Everyone has insulted me and verbally abused me over my unsocialness-sity (I know deep within me that this word do not exist but I shall use it cos it sounds really tush in my head...hehe).

If you are reading this post at the moment, I just want to say thank you.... for sticking around.... for all the check ups.... the whatsapp messages,the Ig shout outs and the BBM pinging... thank you. God bless you plenty for me.

I'm back now and I hope and pray God gives me the strength to make you as happy as I used to... I love you all like WHATS POPPING....*covers face*

P.S; I am still razz. I tried letting it go but the razzophilitis has eaten deep into my soul. But I still have my very tush sides...

I love you all...

Have a wonderful week ahead.

Cheers...

Excluding all the men in the house..hehe

my new nephew

*oh baby...oh baby*

*you call me kuchi kuchi yeeaaahh*

*i understand*

Ignore post title...I was singing that song in my head...Who has seen the movie?

Hello guys

So yesterday I was typing the post for today (that's me trying to be serious with D.O.A.L.D.Q *straight face*) then suddenly my elder sister calls me from the bathroom to tell me her water just broke...like WHAT????

NOOOOO.!!!!!..(Yelling in swahili)

I was like 'Breathe...Moby Breathe'.

Some weeks back, I was praying to God to make me absent when her water breaks....like seriously!!..I am a natural panicker...I can panic for Africa, Asia and the entire middle east...You don't wanna test...The funny thing was, my sister was sooo calm...chai! God please let labour be so easy for me o...

So she tells me to call her husband or call leboo to come pick her. I immediately called Leboo and I could hear panic in his voice. Apparently he wasn't panicking for my sister ooo...he was panicking for ME *folds arms*..... cos he has had front row tickets to Moby's panic dramas....(Wurreva!..LOL)..

So he gets to my house in less than 10minutes and off we went to the hospital. I was just pitying my sister...that woman has strength o...I could tell she was in serious pain but she didn't want to scare us so she just kept quiet and even answered questions...calmly..which I didn't like. That I cannot explain.

She gave birth in less than 30minutes after we got to the hospital..(That shows how much pain she must have been bearing...na wa!).

I just thank God...there was no complication or trouble. If you are a Nigerian I'm sure you must have had atleast 1 terrible experience with Nigerian nurses...Immediately her water broke, I just started asking God for favour...cos those guys can be crazy. They would leave a pregnant woman till the baby's head is showing...(serious ooo)..or even after giving birth they would leave the woman in the delivery room for hours unattended to. But I thank God.....and then Don P came with his sweet mouth..(*bats lashes + kisses)..with plenty sugar to scope the nurses...and they all co-orperated.

I just thank God for everything. There was money available....there was help left right and center....there was so much love. Even my boss gave me an hour off to rest before coming to work....God will bless all of us that helped in one way or the other.

And so my peoplesss, I have a new nephew.....Yay!...and he is cute. I've not had the chance to take a cute picture but here are the ones I was able to take...Guess what?..... Apparently the baby can dance shoki already.... My baby is a shokilized mobylizer...hehehe.

Baby getting ready to shoki...take position...

Oya show me shoki...ahhh shoki shoki...ehhhh...baby shoki *dancing*

Shoki oooo...

And ...hmmmmn.....*claps hand dramatically*....My mother displayed drama when she heard her daughter gave birth oooo.......gist coming up soon.... I gat you...*wink*

In the voice of one wise man, thanks for the past 5 minutes of your time. I have to get back to work before they sack me. God bless us all...

Cheers...

mwaaahhhhh....

*straight face*

~~I saw a mad man with crazy pubic hair yesterday and that inspired this post~~.....

*straight face*

That was actually going to be my intro....... but I kno that'll be kinda harsh abi?.....*smiles*

Oya oooo.....eweso ooooo ma pipu dem...... How are y'all doing? ??....Good good...oya striaght to the matter..

First.....if you know in your Christian mind that you've not touched puberty, oya pull your ears and exit this page now now....I'm talking to you Duru!!!...heeeheeee

We live in an ever evolving society where things are constantly changing and almost nothing is left out, not even pubic hair. There was a time that the amount of bush determined social status...(LoooL...I think!!)...Anyway, the issue of pubes is a tricky funny one. It doesn’t matter if you’re sexually active or not. The talk about pubic hair is becoming a thing you can talk about freely and anytime..(Even pikins dey grow small small garden these days..shuu) LOL

I am not a fan of the bush *true talk*. Now dont get it twisted....there was one time I had a farm down there..(The social status thingy..I musta been a princess or something LOL)...actually it was there not cos I wanted it but cos i was just constantly lazy to take it off. Now, I find it just like armpit hair.... shave it off!!!. Trimmed however might not be such a bad idea if you’re not a fan of complete shaving.

Personally, I love it clean and smooth like a baby’s bottom but even that comes with its own perks e.g. constant itching, bumps, more vaginal discharge, e.t.c. As a Nigerian woman with a thick black foundation under the hair, when you take off the whole thing, you have something like this.

This is usually my face after I'm done shaving....

You need to decide how to achieve the clean shaven look, either by razor, gel, waxing or laser hair removal. I would opt for laser hair removal but it’s still above my pay grade. I cannot come and remove hair and be borrowing money all the time.....abi???LOL

Who has ever been to a waxing parlour before? The warm wax feels quite good when its applied but the yanking of the strips ignites a traumatic experience that no one should have to endure...Kilode?!!... I remember Tibs's narration of her experience...it was so funny...you should check out her blog for that post here..... She's amazing. Ehn ehn...you would scream like sh*t from the pain and after you're done, you won't be able to walk straight ever...and then they would advice you stay away from sex for a while..(dem suppose tell person that one?).... After such an experience, I doubt anything would turn you on...heehee. But note that after the rain comes sunshine.... when the pain eventually wears off, your VJJ be looking like ice cream with chocolate toppings *weirdest description ever*....*covers face*

Eventually, when the pain wears off ,sexy time is turned on and it feels damn great!*thumbs up*.. The major benefit of having the arena of the south shaved apart from the obvious,(check google)... are basically sexual. It causes that region to be more sensitive to stimulation. Sometimes the sight of a well groomed pumpum will have a guy sky rocket to cloud nine and what lady wouldn't want that...*wink*

If you enjoy oral sex, the last thing you want is getting strands of hair in your partner's mouth or stuck in between his or her teeth and then you start looking for toothpick after you're done....LOL...or dental floss... (this is for both the guys and the girls). Can I get an Amen?

Just because hair grows there doesn’t mean it should remain there. I am talking to everybody....including that mad man... take if off...or just trim to a level where you don't have to part the red sea to get some action going...Some have it so incredible they'll need a lawn mower to create a footpath to the lady door....Some can even braid what's down there *Leboo inserted this part...not me*...abeg shave it off and donate to expression or darling yaki...LMAO... My colleagues are going to slaughter me after reading this post....but really isn't it true??? What is the use of the bush there?

I heard that a bush for guys gives the illusion of a bigger phallus,..*yimu toh loud*.. screw that..... If you want to be ‘gone down on’ quite regularly by your lover, reciprocate the effort, clean up the south pole. It makes for easy access. For guys who have nice facial hair, we appreciate it enough already, definitely we don’t need more hair down there. Imagine a girl gagging or almost choking due to the clumps of hair she swallowed while she was testing the microphone!!!...Ewwwwww!!!!!*thumbs down*

It is true that hair removal is high maintenance but nothing good comes easy. Shaving requires some level of dedication and keeping a bush strikes me as a lazy man’s way out. It’s really not that big of a deal.... when you’re in the shower, get stray hairs off. Or better still every two weeks have a special time when you rid your body of unnecessary hairs. Call it happy time if you will, just de-hair while you can.

Leboo thinks I'm weird putting up this post....LOL.... but the amount of hair I saw on that mad man's stuff got me thinking..

Did you know that when you shave down there as a man, it gives your Joy stick extra length? You don't believe me shey....oya google is your friend....check....*wink*

Let me go and hide while you all read the post.... It's kuku not a bad thing. ..I am only advising everybody even the married people in the house...before my pastor will use me as case study to preach on Sunday...heeheee.

Y'all have a wonderful weekend ahead...

Mi love y'all for a very long time *in my Jamaican accent*

Cheers....

*Go up down up down up down

*Go Moby....Go lizers

I mixed coffee and cappuccino (don't ask me why *straight face*).....that's why I'm not even sure of what I'm singing LOL....but who ain't watching empire???......I know someone that isn't *rolls eyes at Leboo*.. You should see it.....its a smashing series...If you've not seen it then we are no longer friends *fold arms + sulking*

Good morning ma people. ...how are y'all doing?

I'm sure some of you were already second guessing my come back when you didn't see any post yesterday...*big grin* ...no be me o...na office send me go conference o..and gave me plenty ijekuje (food) and I've been purging all day *sad face*.

First of all, How was your weekend? My weekend was eventful and fun.....and quite romantic...I'll tell you why..*wink*

So over the weekend I travelled to Ibadan for a wedding....(You guessed right...Leboo dragged me to a wedding he was to MC)... I was happy I went though cos I seized the opportunity to see all my Ibadan fans & goons.... I saw my two favourite kids at the moment asides my niece and my nephews. They are Morola and Moyo... Morola has always been sassy but she's smart..as a matter of fact she is too smart...I hope she remains that way...and then there's Moyo. Moyo is cute, sweet and very smart too. I love them both alot....

Ayam aunty agbaya...they bring out the agbaya in me..hehe

Also, the place we went to happened to be where it all started (*blushing*)...yeah Leboo and I started off in Ibadan....it brought new feelings.....it was quite exciting *covers face*..

The wedding was ok.....It was too crowded though.....and when the 1st lady of Oyo state walked in, every where just scattered....But Leboo was able to handle the crowd and managed to make it fun for all of us *thumbs up bruv*

Here's how I looked

After the wedding...tired me and Leboo

Borrowed the ring from my mum...Iya Dayo can like fashion for Nigeria sha..

Here's a closer look

If you follow me on Instagram, I'm sure you must have seen this dress. I designed it myself. I decided not to tie gele on it this time so I could flaunt my braids.. Make sure you're following me on Instagram @mz_moby.

I got back to Lagos on Sunday but I was too tired to type a post or even iron my clothes for the new week thus...I just crashed like a wrecking ball Lmao....

I was grumbling through out Monday morning cos I wasn't looking forward to the conference at all....(Yeah I was to be at a conference). Sitting in one place for 9 hours ain't my thing...Like seriously...me!..Moby!...no drama for 9 hours???....even when I'm ill I still display drama...*rolls eyes*.... But I was wrong. The hosts had lots of fun plans for us and I had fun. The meeting was held at Sheraton hotel and so you know that Buffet was sure. I forgot I was watching my weight at some point and I ate like sh*t....I ate stuff I can't even pronounce.....Many many things...

I went to the conference looking like this.

I pout to much yea? I need to stop asap

My colleague doesn't like taking pictures....I don't know why o. But I stole a shot of his face small...even though he was telling us waka...Mssteeewww...LOL. We don't like him again jor. He is Yomi and he is the lover boy that loves his girlfriend too much. hehe.

Mr. Yomi (lover boy)

At the begining, this white man comes speaking plenty english (I didn't get most of what he said but I sha use scope to carry the remaining. ...can't come and fall my hand na...LOL) and asks what I'm passionate about....1st thing that comes to my head is...Drama...no AMEBO...errr....GBEBORUN...I mean who ain't passionate about these???....LOL... But then I didn't want to embarass my company so I say 'Fashion'...and he says 'kurrrrrllllll'.....meaning cool and then he says 'I can tell'...*mhen....you needed to see me blushing like a monkey* Someone should come and rub my head o before it blows off...hehe*...cos its still swelling...LOL

Moby pouting with her passion tag

Mr. Yomi and Mr. 'f@*king' Femi

My lunch

My boss

My dessert

I took this strawberry moose and cake but I didn't like it so I passed it on to my colleague

These white guys are geniuses... You heard of MATCHBOXOLOGY? These are the guys behind it all

The funny one...love love his nose

The extra smart one... I could tell

Trying to take an internet-breaking selfie but my colleagues don't understand the kind of money we can make from pictures *SMH* Epic fail

After the conference, Leboo picked me on his way home from work and Lo and behold.....I finished his life with the after effect of all I ate at the buffet...OMG!....I was on a nuclear attack mission.!..I was dropping bombs like we were in the middle east...LMAO....It was poisonous mhen....you don't wanna be there... hehe *gbagaun intended*.... We had to wind down and turn off the AC at some point cos I over powered the AC and air freshner in the car and he was about to faint....ROTFL....sorry boo boo *bats lashes*...What are friends for?

My baby's naming ceremony was yesterday but I missed it *sad face* but I'm sure he understands.I named him Toluwalase and my niece named him Bolatito. Leboo has plenty fans in my house o...it is well.

Monday wasn't so bad after all.

So who had a better monday?

About my Friday post, I don't think I would hear the last of it ever. Nobody should start asking me the 'bush' question o...some men like it bush some like it bald..some like it grown...LOL... Just understand your partner and everything will be fine. I know what Leboo likes...and that's my mountain to carry. Carry your own mountain o. hehe.

Have a fab week ahead mi lovies.

Cheers...

This is what I will say through out today...shattappppp. Even if you say hi, shattttttaaappp

*clears throat*

I'm in a vexed mood right now.....

So there won't be any fancy intro...

*angry mode* WHAT THE HECK IS CAUSING FUEL SCARCITY IN LAGOS? I was contemplating trekking to work today but my God had better plans for me....he sent my neighbor my way to pick me. *looks up to God* But God why na...I'm trying to lose weight na...the trekking would have helped me lose 20kg..hehe...can you always send someone to pick me everyday *bats lashes*. Thank you.

*angry mode reactivated* Leboo has been at the fuel station since 5.30 am... Y'all need to see the queue in some places..crazy. May God help us in Nigeria. Amen..

I woke up with a red eye this morning... Is that a symptom of pregnancy? *covers face*

Its thursday......hmmmmmmn *thinking*.....ain't it supposed to be....

RAAAANNNT DAAAY

So people.....ama be ranting today.... and I'm sure y'all gonna feel me *not sure which accent I used there... LOL*

Let's do this

Kemi meets Ugo on social media....there was chemistry immediately... Kemi has a good sense of humour...Ugo is funny..they exchange numbers....Kemi likes Ugo and she tells him straight up that she likes him a lot. Ugo thinks Kemi is cheap and too easy and he stops calling her....and they end.......Just like that *angry face*

Can any girl relate to this?

I totally can.....and this is the case of most Nigerian guys...*thumbs down*

I was seeing a movie yesterday and the female lead actor, fell in love with a zombie and she told him on the 1st night and it just made the whole thing easy for her, the zombie and every one.....(*If I hear you say na movie e dey happen ehn, I will throw you out of the closest window.....*straight face** )

I know a lot of guys belong to the school of thought that says the man should be the 'pursuer' (some girls too) but what's the big deal if the girl just comes out straight before the guy?..Like who says its a rule that the guy has to make the 1st move??

Moby sees a guy...Moby thinks he's cute...Moby says hi....Moby exchanges number...everyone goes home happy. ...abi?

Must there be drama?..eh

Must there be 1st to initiate?

Must it be the guy?

I am kinda irritated at the moment so I need to read your thoughts.

My neighbour has been arguing with me since yesterday (he's a guy, so you can guess his stand).. and I thought to bring the argument here as my own little rant.....

Well....that's it.....I want to know what you all think.....Maybe I'm actually wrong....*adunno*.....

So please.....make una chook mouth for the matter....

Have a wonderful day mi lovies... I have plenty work today...wish me luck..

Cheers..

Wahdup...wahdup ma people..

What's popping?

This is supposed to be a Thank-God-its-Friday post...and also to congratulate all workers that are sitting their ass*s at home today. Can we just have May 1, May 27 and May 29 the same week? *sad face*. To non-Nigerians reading this post, the dates mentioned above are public holiday dates.

So I was blog stalking as usual some days ago and I saw this amazing advert

This is what is written for those that can't see it due to small lettering. Apparently its a Ghanian poster advert:

Do you want to BOOST your FUNERAL?

We hire out professional MOURNERS to come and cry at the funeral.

Below are the charges:

Normal crying: GH 200

Crying and rolling on the ground: GH 300

Crying and insulting a bit: GH 400

Crying and threatening to jump into the grave: GH 500

For more info call blahhhhh

Thank you.

One Ghana cedis is equal 51.69 Naira. Please do the calculation.

MY THOUGHT:

It is not a bad business *hold up....hold up* *raises arm*.

Really it is not. Lemme explain...

Is it not to cry?

I should start a mourning business...but mine won't involve mourning o. I will only come and do some small drama tinz, leave and get paid.

I know a particular woman... She stays in my area. This woman would do this for free aswear. Twice I've seen this woman cry for two dead neighbours she had no relationship whatsoever with. Once the MC or whoever is controlling the event asks anyone to come out and talk about the dead person, she jumps out, says one or two things and then starts crying and you start wondering if you missed something at some point.

So if someone else is doing it as a business to make money, abeg go ahead. We have too much fakers in the world not to see an opportunity when it presents itself. Just my own 1 cent. I rest my case.

Mi lovies, have a wonderful weekend....

Moby loves you like ......

I really do not want to go out this weekend but if i don't, I would wish I did. Which should I do?*sighs*

Kisses...

xOxO..

HAPPY WORKER'S DAY MOBYLIZERS

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE
“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”
(Colossians 2:6–7, NIV)

TODAY’S WORD
Have you ever thought about what it means to be overflowing with thankfulness? Don’t just think your thanks, show it! In other words, you shouldn’t let the kindness of others go unnoticed. Sometimes it’s easy to take the people closest to us for granted. But your family, your friends, the ones who love and support you are the ones who should feel your gratitude the most.

Notice this verse also says to live in Christ and be built up in Him. When you keep yourself built up spiritually by studying the Word and praying in the Spirit, then the second part of the verse will just come naturally — you will be strengthened in your faith, and your heart will be filled with thankfulness!

Today, look for new ways to show your thankfulness to those around you. Let it overflow. Sow seeds of gratitude and blessing. Keep yourself built up in faith and reap the abundant harvest God has for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father, thank You for strengthening me with Your love today. Help me to be a blessing to those around me and show me creative ways to let my life overflow with thankfulness in Jesus’ name. Amen.

SOURCE- Joel & Victoria Osteen

I just saw a deal breaker...nooooo *my face all the time*

Strolls in......grabs the Mic*

*clears throat*

*Pops collar*

*Bad ass gangster mode activated*

*singing*

#Ladder ladder ladder ladder ooooooo#

#Our Lord Jesus is a ladder#

#Oya follow the ladder....follow the ladder....to heaven#

LMAO......do you all remember that song?

I once put up the video....

*Anywayssss*

Hellurrrrrrrrr...

While I was away, I had the opportunity of making loads of friends. The amount of friends I've made in 1 month is quite unimaginable for me sha...judging by how anti-social I can be at times. I'm actually kinda proud of myself *someone should rub my head na*.

I made only 5 new friends oooo (before you think I have 1 million friends).... To all my new friends, Tunde, Onyeabo, Kay, Dami, Tijani, sup to all of you...(*high five*).... If I didn't give you all a shout out, I'm sure I won't hear the last of it most especially from Dami *covers face *.

So sometime last week, I spoke to a few friends about the "Deal breaker".. Please dont ask me what and how in God's name I got to think in that direction..(*adunno oo*)... Well it was when I saw the mad man with the 'bushy' thing *covers face *.

One of my colleague read that post and said 'Bolaji you saw a mad man and the only thing you noticed was his bushy south pole?'..*covers face again*.

I mean come onnnnn.... the hair was that long and full and in everyones face.....I saw it cos it was there. Hehehee. My friend Onyeabo called me and said 'I hope your mum doesn't read your blog...cos you haff baje finish'...hehehee..... I'm sure the 1st timers here do not know what I'm talking about... check the post here...

So..The "Deal breaker"...for me, it has to be...wait for it.... Bushy privates!!!!.... I dont like it for anything. It smells when its all bushy cos of sweat... Nooooo way mhen!!!!*shivers*.

Ama throw the love in the trash can immediately

Ok Let me explain the "Deal breaker".... According to urban dictionary, A deal breaker is 'the catch' that a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality the individual may possess...emphasis on OUTWEIGHS... The deal breaker is something or anything someone does (a habit, a way of living, a belief, line of thought....anything associated with the person) and you know in your christian mind, you are never ever going to call that person again. It is what puts you off completely....some would call it a "No No". If you've ever seen 'Baggages' hosted by Jerry Springer, you'll get the gist.

So I spoke to my guys about theirs... and here's what I got...(A few)...if you can totally relate, let me know. Ladies and gents learn from this..

Kay: I was hanging out with this girl whose bedroom was just a train wreck. I’ve let my room get a bit messy at times, though I tidy up if I expect company, but this was just bad. Used plates still in the room for what seemed like for ever!. Sheets not washed for ....Only her knows how long cos it was smelling and piled up in a corner... Dirty underwear all over the place....?

All this i ignored until she jumped on her bed, spread her legs and through the tear in her jeans I could see the little red thong she was wearing. One kinda smell oozed from somewhere and I was hoping it wasn't from her vagina...but it was from there..damn!.. She was actually pretty damn good looking for who she really was but I was thinking about going for it, except there was no bed sheet on her heavily stained mattress and I noticed it was stained with all sorts....mention it... saliva from regular drooling, blood, food stain already turned black.. ewhhhh *vomits*.... I think that might have been the only time I’ve ever Nope'd my way out of a girl’s bedroom.

DAMI: Guys or girls, if your kitchen has stacks of dirty dishes, and the counters are covered in the remnants of week old cooking experiments, it’s a huge turn off. Any mess in general is bad, but food mess is the worst. There was this guy I was interested in. He loved to cook but he didn't know how to clean up after himself. Once I was trying to be a good friend and tried to clean up his mess. I opened one pot and lo and behold there were maggots in it. No way am I ever letting him cook for me ever.

MOBY: *my deal breaker*....Poop in the toilet..I’ll ignore it, but your opinion will forever be sullied by the fact that you didn’t flush and I can tell the kinda waste that comes out of your ass...hehehee....

There are more deal breakers ooo.....But I really don't want to bore you all with a long list...so I have asked them to post their breakers as comments and I'm asking you too...

I'm sure y'all have deal breakerssss....

And I wanna know...

There's no weekend download today....reason being I decided to stay home this weekend.

I saw Fast and Furious 7 on Saturday.... I did not cry at the end *ntoiiii..(Tongue out) at Kike and Lola*.....

Who has seen it and don't lie...did you cry?

Gist me how your weekend was mobylizers...

To everyone reporting to orientation camp tomorrow, good luck o....and make sure you enjoy camp. I did a post sometime ago about how you can survive in camp. You can read it here and thank me later *winks*.

Have a super Monday...

Cheers!!

*whistling*

*duu... duu du du du... duu du du du du du du...Don't worry.

*du du du du duu du du....Be happy...

*Du du du du duu....

#You find your way to Moby's blog...

#You hit 'refresh' and still there no new post.....Don't worry...

The post is here!

BE HAPPY!!!!........*big grin*....LOL

Hellooooo....I haff Come oooooo.....

Wait first....

Did you know this blog was created on the 4th of may 2014??? *raised eyebrow*.....We should be celebrating our 1 year anniversary ooo *yaaay*.... but because of my long vacation in the past, I have shifted it to the 4th of June so I can celebrate it welll...*half smile*.....So my conscience won't say I did ojoro...LOL

But what can I do ooo... to celebrate 1 year in blogosphere?.... I need opinions.... Maybe I'll just buy a jet for Erniesha.... or give mi crush of life 'Gb' what he asked for (what did you ask for again sef...*confused*) ...Omo mehn I don dey old o...kai...or get Duru the gal of his dreams *in my ibo accent* I need suggestions mhen. ...let it roll in.

So before I went on my long sabbatical, we used to have dear Moby on Wednesdays.... I know I am one of the few bloggers that do not have a blog calendar....*sighs.....Its not our fault....... Who can I put the blame on o...oya nominate yourself now and take the blame...hehe. Habeebat its your fault...you and Temi...yes...you *covers face*...LOL

So today on dear Moby is a very crucial issue concerning a dear friend of mine. I asked if I could share and he said yes cos he wanted to read everyone's opinion about his predicament before all of you will say that Moby cannot keep a secret...*rolls eyes*

So this friend of mine, let's call him IB, who is 26 years old has a girlfriend, lets call her Demi who is 24 years old...(Some people will still ask me which Demi...LOL).... This babe has loads of girlfriends that are getting married and so she wants to get married too. This has put her under heavy pressure and she has gotten to the point of succumbing to the weight of the thoughts of getting married asap....na wa!

Factors to consider (before giving your opinion:)

She is the first child of her family....so her mum wants her out of the house..Almost regardless of who she marries...

My friend is a hustler....he obviously isn't ready for marriage cos he is not where he wants to be before getting married. At the moment he is not earning enough money to sustain his self, talkless of raising a family.

They love each other.

She is under a lot of pressure to get married...

So, Considering these factors.....What do you think is a way out?

What do they do?

Is it just me that thinks marriage is an institution that shouldn't be rushed into?....

Who else is of the school of thought that you don't have to be a millionaire to get married?

I do not want to say anything cos I was really angry when I heard the story. ..don't ask my why *folds arms* + *straight face*.... But I will still say something sha....*ntoi*...... We all shouldn't get entangled in the idea of a good wedding...its the marriage that matters cos all your guests do not care about your issues after the wedding...Shikena!...That's my own one cent. I rest my case.

Oya my better better pipu....let's hear your take... What do you think IB and Demi should do at this point...

Don't forget to drop your opinions about our 1 year anniversary on the blog...

Cheers..

My lips are smaller in real life o *hehe*

#I have a dream...
That one day, Presidents, Prime ministers, Popes, Ministers, Ambassadors, Heads of States.....Billionaires, Moguls and what have you....

....Would wake up in the morning

.... Pick their devices.

And read posts on D.O.A.L.D.Q.......and leave a comment

Oh what a dream...

*big grin*

LOL.....you think its impossible shey?....oya let's bet!!!!.....How much?

Helllooooo mi lovies...

Thanks to everyone for the one cent of advice for my friend. May we never lack help and guidance when we need one in Jesus' name. Amen.

To every new commenter in the house, ekaabo oooo..*hugs*.... Oya take 1st timer kiss *mwahhhhh* and 1st timer jollof rice Hehee... Thanks for stopping by and you are welcome to our blog....as long as you read this blog you are automatically family!..... A Mobylizer!!!.*wink*. Oya chop better first timer jollof rice and chicken.

oh nooo...ayam hungry for party jollof rice..hmnnn

God bless you for associating with us.... Our last born is still Duru...its not by age...its by love *hehe. ..that didn't make sense...I know*.... Welcome to D.O.A L.D.Q....Your first task is to tell me the meaning of D.O.A.L.D.Q!!!!....initiation begins....LOL

The post for today is just a random post.

Whats our plans for this weekend?

First I want to tender an apology to my dear friend, Chika. You know how I always say I have very little friends, this babe is in my top 5.... I remember after Uni, I was always at home doing nothing....As in, I was bored as sh*t and then this babe I met while I was doing my internship (whom I hated the 1st day I saw her cos she was finer than me.....but that was then o...now power has changed hands...heehee *pops collar*) came to my house and apparently she was getting as depressed as I was and we started thinking about big business ideas. So I settled for makeup and she, Culinary art. Like play like play we decided to go to an academy that was offering both courses..We did and that was the best decision we made that time.

My friend decided to travel to Abu Dhabi to really master the art and she is doing absolutely amazing. I'm so proud of her. You should check her out on instagram @chef_chika. She is one of the few friends that challenges me to be very hardworking. The koko of the story is I forgot her birthday yesterday *sad face* and so I'm saying a big Happy birthday to my wedding chef and maybe Chief bride's maid (that's if Bimbo, Sunbo, Fatima and all the female mobylizers won't mind). Check out her fantastic birthday cake she made *salivating*.

If you didn't swallow spit after seeing this picture, you need to see me in person...*hmnnnn*

I feel like using my finger to scoop that dripping caramel...oh nooo

She was never this fine o....good food and good weather is good o...kai

Guess who left a comment on my blog yesterday...my sister. She is Tiepo Lola. I know she reads my blog all the time but she never leaves a comment. She left a comment yesterday. *Yay!*...That's super big deal for me. Thanks swirrie pie. Wanna know who else will drop a comment soon...Iya Dayo!!!......LMAO.. *No wayyyyy*

Tomorrow is the popular Naija naturals event "My hair and I".... I am so happy about it and thanks to my dear friend Olaoluwakunsunbomilola (*hahaha* no way I'm ever going to be normal) for getting me a pass. Ose gan ni *in Professor Akinyemi's voice*..... I'm sorry but its strictly by registration and gate fee....would have loved to take everyone along...sowee *bats lashes*....+ *kisses*

Who has owanbe oo?...Please invite me so I can come and crash it.

Your opinions for our 1 year blogversary is still needed o....to everyone sending in theirs, thank you so much...God bless you all.

Okay enough story....Cheers to the freaking weekend...

Mwahhhhh.....

Cheers!

*Good morning

*Bonjour

*Ekaaro

*Inakwana

*Ubnachi (chai…I think I have murdered one language here oooo….*covers face*)

Anywayz……..

Gooooooooood day mi lovelies....*high spirit*

MUUUUURRRRAAAAALLLLLLL……………….HIGH!!!!........(some of our Mobylizers would be shouting this as we speak now….LOL…..Mobylizers on camp, we never forget una ooo….We love ya’ll…do your Fatherland proud guys)

Did you know porn stars have awards?.. Like seriously no jokes *straight face *...They do... now I'm wondering what the categories would look like...let me brain storm a little...

*Best actress in a threesome?

*Best gay actor?

*Best director? Somebody please wake me up from my slumber.... I cannot ‘belivit.... if y'all knew about it before me then I have carried last on this one.....LOL (To think I feel like I should know about this…*covers face*…….someone would soon say I am a baje somebody because I know things like this *sad face*….mmssstteeewww….*rolls eyes in pidgin* )

So how did my weekend go? It was ama-zing.

Remember the Naija naturals event I mentioned on Friday? Oh yes that one... It was ‘amazeballs...I took out my braids on Friday, immediately washed it but my hair was tangling like crazy....I was in a hurry to finish the process and so I ended up with plenty hair loss…*sad*.. I wanted to cry but I was too tired to do anything….(yep too tired to cry…LOL) I used onions to wash my hair...A new regime I learnt from a blogger friend....*covers face* and It had a pretty good outcome.

So on Saturday, my friend, Sunbo, and I got to the event late because of me…heehee….. I had to look fine small na… The event was really cool... and it was on the mainland...double super cool….(1st natural hair meet up I know that was done on the mainland)… From the girl that checks your name on the list, to the attendees,everyone was really nice. If it was 10 years ago, it would have been a gathering of deeper life members learning about their hair. The things fashion will do ehn...hmnn Who knows?.....

I met O’naturals...finally. She is a Natural hair stylist and I love her big…. She is funny....and her hair?....It’s to die for. She is going to be my wedding hairstylist *thumbs up*. So I have my wedding MC, Chef and hairstylist....remaining the wedding gown designer, makeup artist and most importantly the groom...*Note Leboo has not proposed ooo so he is not the groom yet...hin still be boyfriend...**covers face* LMAO…(person go dey vex now ooo).

The hair on her head...kai

O'naturals was going to give 1 goody bag to anyone who got her question right...I wanted just one thing in the bag, the coconut oil and one other babe I met there wanted the rollers (I've forgotten the original name so let's go with rollers* LOL) so it was either I answered the question and give her what she wanted or she answers and I get what I wanted. It was obvious we were the only two that were serious about the goody bag and it wouldn't have been fair for someone who wasn't so interested in it to get the bag. So we had to be friends and we struck a deal....I let her answer the question and she gives me the coconut oil or I answer and give her the ‘rollers’...That’s team spirit mehn...So, she answered and I got the oil... Shout out to Fola if she ever sees this... p.s: I love your hair.

This was how I looked

On our way to the event...I can like to want to pout sha...

Moby forming serious student

Yaaaaay... I was interviewed..by erhmm *clears throat* I seriously don't know...and I didn't ask...I need cane

That's Oluwalonikinsunboninuyara...a.k.a. Sunbo *hehe*

Tosin (the organizer), Sunbo and some girl like that

These are the things I got at the event.

The fayrouz is finished so ignore it

I don't know what this is but ama call it water bottle..

Hair clip

Dark and lovely scalp soother

Coconut oil Fola gave me

This closeup thing that looks like toothpaste is actually a 4gb flash *supercool*

After we left, we went to the mall to meet with Leboo. He went for this amazing Ayurveda massage at the Aerobics fitness spa in Ikeja and I was dying to hear the gist so I wanted to corner him at the mall but he was seeing AVENGERS so I decided to see PAUL BLART MALL COP. Have you seen it? It is a very funny movie and I think y'all should see it. Maybe just download it on your laptop and watch it at home...It might not be worth going to the cinema for but it’s a very good movie….You get my drift?

The movie finished in less than two hours, I met up with Leboo and he just had to make me very jealous...I am going for my own massage next week…..The only problem is, I am too ticklish…...I can't stand those neck and back massages *sad face*…….If you yab me ehn....this Lagos wouldn't contain me and you…*straight face*

The weekend was totally fun but something just had to try to ruin it…….I have been purging since o... too much to eat. I couldn't go to church... and so I decided to twist my hair...Now I look like a Rastafarian...a nigga woman yo...hehe. I can't show you a picture cos I don't like it yet...let's see what happens by the end of the week... I might just show you…*wink*

Enough gist abeg... How was your weekend?...I wanna know. …I'm going to be doing a giveaway later this week... Please stick around for more info...

In other news, The next Bag and Shoe making classes by Moby Impressionz starts Saturday 16th May, 2015….So tell someone to tell someone and help someone learn skills that could help him or her become a boss!....*wink*

Oya gist me o...

Lemme sit down and read your own gist as you have read mine…

Have a fab Monday + an Amazing week…

Cheers!.

Hey mi lovelies...

I seriously do not know where this post fall under or whom it is directed at, but I saw this post and I was smiling till the end. Thanks to Naija husband for this post. I saw this on his blog and immediately I copied and pasted it on my blogger dashboard. You all should check his blog out.. You want to hear the truth about husbands, then run over to his blog asap.

I had to edit it cos it was kinda long and my Mobylizers can like to complain about long posts. So enjoy mi lovies... Kisses.

When you’re married to a woman with natural hair… or a woman who wears her own hair… you have to grow accustomed to certain things.

Let me try to list a few.

1) Watching her Bathroom Turn into a Mad Scientist’s Laboratory

On any given day, NaijaWife, when not harassing me over my television watching, will disappear for hours. Once I don’t hear her asking me “what are you doing?” I know that means she has locked herself in the bathroom again.

I remember the first day I walked up to her bathroom door, curious to hear what was keeping her so long. Smoke was coming out of the bottom of the door, and I think I heard some screams.

Moving closer, I could hear voices inside the bathroom (which I later realized were the faint sounds of a youtube video) giving her the following instructions:

· Add 1/2 cup of castor oil

· Add 1 tsp of lavender oil

· Add 10 drops of peppermint oil

I thought she was making a secret batch of candy until I heard the next few steps

· Add 10 bat’s eyes

· Add 1 goat’s head

· Add the white feathers of a dove

WHAT was she making?! Herbal medicine? A witch’s potion?

Nope.

I may be exaggerating about the ingredients, but it turned out she was making yet another “team natural” concoction. Week after week I noticed she’d go through the same process until one day she came running out of the bathroom screaming:

“AT LAST! AT LAST! I”VE DONE IT! THEY SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE! BUT I PROVED THEM WRONG! THEY WERE FOOLS TO DOUBT ME! I FINALLY MASTERED THE “SHEA BUTTER COCONUT MILK CHERRY BLOSSOM TREATMENT!” HAHAHAHA!

AT LAST! MY GREATEST CREATION IS COMPLETE! SCALP OIL!

Then she stuck her hair in my face, "LOOK! LOOK! JUST LOOK AT THAT CURL DEFINITION!"

I don’t know what curl definition is. But I have learned the hard way to just smile, pat her on the back…and not ask her why her hair is smelling like amino acids.

She’s happy. That’s all that matters.

2) Watching my Wife Contort Herself into Strange Positions

No, not sexually. Hair-ally.

One day NaijaWife was shouting my name from the bedroom. Expecting that she was in trouble I ran quickly only to find her hanging upside down off of the bed.

Me: “Did you slide off?!”

NaijaWife: “NO. I’m doing the inversion method.”

Me: “The what?”

NaijaWife: “It allows the blood to rush to my head, stimulating hair growth. I need you to time me for 3 minutes. Then help me lift my head back up slowly.”

Me: “I have a better idea.”

NaijaWife: “Oh really? What?”

Me: “Do pushups for 3 minutes instead. That will make your hair grow faster.”

NaijaWife: “REALLY?!” *as she scrambled to get back up*

Me: “No.”

3) Saturday Nights Are Not Date Nights

They are for her hair. Saturdays belong to NaijaWife’s hair.

Me: “Let’s go out today.”

NaijaWife: “Nope. I’m washing my hair.”

Me: “OK but it’s only 12 noon now. Will you be done in an hour?”

NaijaWife:

Yeah that’s not going to happen

Me: “Um…will you be done in 2 hours?”

NaijaWife: “I’ll be done tomorrow morning.”

4) Spur of the Moment Purchases

It’s a good thing she has her own budget for random expenditures…because we would probably fight if her product addiction came out of the household budget.

Me: “You bought something today. I just know it.”

NaijaWife: “Maybe…”

Me: “What did you buy?”

NaijaWife: “Conditioner.”

Me: “Didn’t you buy some last week?!”

NaijaWife: “But this one had really high reviews on naturallycurly.com ! They said it would make my hair shine. All I need to do is sit with it in my hair for 6 hours and it will permanently change my life!”

Me: “Did they also warn you it would permanently change your pockets?”

5) Get Used To The Secret Group Meetings

Me: “What you up to today?”

NaijaWife: “I have a meeting.”

Me: “On Saturday?”

NaijaWife: “Yes…with some girls.”

Me: “What kind of meeting?”

NaijaWife: “Em. Hair meeting…”

Me: “You mean the hair salon?”

NaijaWife: “No…natural hair women’s meeting.”

Me: “I see…when will they hold one for the husbands of women with natural hair?”

“Next on the agenda, deep conditioners vs moisturizing creams for combating low porosity”

Shout out to Naijawife for helping me with the terminology on this post, and as always, for being the gracious recipient of my teasing. As a man I’m not the most knowledgeable person about the struggles women have with their hair, but I am learning. One thing I do know darling, is that your hair is almost as beautiful as you are.

Just don’t shave it off.

MOBYSPEAKS:

*turns to Leboo* *British accent activated* If you're gonna marry me, please save this post cos you are in for it.

To all my Mobylizers, natural and not natural, I hope you had fun reading through. I did.

A friend of mine was planning on going natural...so we went for a natural meet up together and immediately after the event, she said and I quote "wahala yin ti poju jo (our wahala is too much). I am not going natural again if everything that was mentioned today I have to do". There was nothing I would have said at that point that would make her cut her hair. The only thing I tell people planning on going natural is you don't have to use everything they say you have to use. Understand your hair and do what works for you. That's easy to do after all.

Have a wonderful day my dearies.

Cheers....

rant

rant/

verb

1.
speak or shout at length in an angry, impassioned way.
"she was still ranting on about the unfairness of it all"
synonyms: hold forth, go on and on, deliver a tirade, rant and rave, fulminate, sound off, spout, pontificate, trumpet, bluster, declaim;

HMMMMMNNNN…….Wahala dey oooo.

Infact this post itself is confused.com.
You would know why in a bit….

Please don't ask why I defined Rant... It was looking kinda sexy *covers face*

So this ranter anonymously sent in her rant last week. Now, after reading through, I really did not know what the post falls under cos she sounds like she is asking for advice (as in Dear Moby) and she also sounds really angry (as in RANT)….Now you see the “confused.com” part…LOL... So, the dramatic me has decided to put up this post by 12 a.m on dot so it falls between Dear Moby series and Rant…hehe. How smart is that?... Problem solved!...*takes a bow*.

I have spoken to her to give my little piece of wisdom *wink* but I have not gotten any feedback from her. I hope she’s fine and I ‘double hope’ she sees this today. She wants to read everyone’s opinion concerning her issues…. Imagine, people are beginning to trust our opinions and take our pieces of advice... That’s super cool...

I have a dream…..hehehe (not time for that Moby….LOL…).

Ok straight to the matter…..

Here we go…

Moby, last night I was in my boyfriend’s house (which was Monday) and we were just chilling on the sofa. We were watching ‘What’s your number” which was a movie I picked myself. Now I regret going to his house and I regret more that I picked that movie. After the movie, he decided to ask what my body count was. I didn’t know it was a trick question. I could have just said 2 immediately like my friend once told me she told her man but I decided to count all the quickies and foreplays and threesomes and I said 25. Actually it was 26 but I forgot one. Immediately, his mien changed and I have not heard the last of it. We slept in different rooms yesterday and he went to work yesterday morning without a good morning kiss or hug. I have since been calling him and he has not been picking. I have been dating this guy for 2 years and never has he asked me that question. I told him at the beginning of the relationship that I was a naughty girl when I was in college but he didn’t ask further questions. Never for once did he bring it up. He even likes the naughty part of me. Why do men have to be so judgmental? He told me his body count at some point and I didn’t mind. Never brought it up after he mentioned it and now mine is a big deal? What rubbish. I am so angry and I just want all men to know everyone has a past. We all mess up at some point. Not enough reason to cut me out. Not fair at all.

End of mail.

So I decided to do my own little survey by asking the opinion of a selected few… (Gbeborun things) and I got very good responses. I am going to merge the answers of some people that are quite similar and I am also going to use pseudo names for a few (I can’t come and go and answer question in the future)…hehe.

I asked “Is it advisable for you to let your partner know your body count (how many people you’ve slept with in the past before you met him/her)?”

Here are the answers I got.

Rasheed: Well if she wants to know, I will answer her so she doesn’t think I'm hiding my past from her. And my answer will always be 2 which would make her the 3rd always… Even though,if she's the 39^th, she would always be the third.

Chi: It depends on the amount of people I've slept with. I've slept with only 2 people, so yes I will tell him but if it was uncountable, I might have to keep it to myself cos guys are very judgmental. The lady might not mind knowing but the man would always think about it.

Lekan: No problem in telling your spouse how many people you have been with. She asked for it so she has to deal with it. She has to be cool with the feedback.

Salam: I think he should know...cos I like talking about the past and I feel I deserve to know your past as your spouse.

Say what

Rheny: Well, if I am going to get serious with him, it's advisable he knows at the early stage of when he was asking me out. Some ladies won't tell because the number is *inserts smiley* you know what I mean. Funny enough it's all those aristo girls that end up marrying good men so no matter the number of guys you have slept with, if he loves you, he would over look it. As for me Moby, Rheny is going to tell the guy… if I’m going to be serious with him.

Jamie: I don't think it is advisable. However it depends on your partner as some partners could be cruel and use it against you whenever u have a little fight or even blame you for something that is not even connected to the numbers of people you have slept with.

Pastor Yomi: It is not useful information in a relationship because it’s the person's past. The Bible says in the book of 2 Corinthians 5: 17 that wherefore if a man is in Christ, he is a new creature. When you give your life to Christ, everything in the past are passed away so your past is gone. You don’t have to mention your past at all. It can start creating unnecessary mental images in your spouse's mind if by chance you tell them you've been with too many people. The issue of how many people you have slept with is unimportant so let it stay there!

LEBOO SPEAKS

Errrrr... It actually depends… If there’s a possibility of trouble if/when the person finds out as a result of the figure, then it’s safer you discuss it with your partner before the relationship starts to have any meaning. Its better both parties deal with whatever vex there could be early in the relationship and close that page. Don't wait till you're both in too deep before revelations. On d other hand, you could meet someone and let the person know you’ve had a sordid past and want a fresh start with the person and not want to talk about that past at all. Sometimes people can deal with the fact that the past is in the past..but 4 closure, most people (like me) want to know details, which I think is good so that nothing new catches any one by surprise. So it’s safer to let your spouse know very early in your relationship. Let it almost be the first thing you guys talk about (It has its risks though) but if your body count is overwhelming (especially for the women), you might just wanna use adjectives…LMAO.....If a babe was a ho in Antarctica and she moves 2 Africa, she probably won't need 2 give details....a paraphrase would do.

MOBY: *NO COMMENT*

WAIT!!! No oo.... there’s comment…*rolls eyes*….how would I not have a comment?......

I think, like Leboo said, mention it at the beginning of the relationship when things are not so hot. If he’s okay with it, good for you. If he is not, everyone moves on. No need to hurt over something that’s not yours yet.

For our ranter,sh*t has already gone bad. Give him time…call him once in a while until he picks and try to talk the situation through. Remind him you are a different person now. It’s your role to be patient with him now and let him calm down. Hopefully, he’ll remember and understand it’s your past. Then you can sit and talk and find out where you both stand. If he says he can’t deal with your body count, huni don’t force it…just let him go. If he stays, good luck mami. Enjoy the relationship. A man that loves you truly won't judge you based on your past mistakes.

Who has any thought or advice for our ranter? The comment section is all yours.

To all the people that responded to my survey in time, God bless you all.

Kisses and hugs for y'all...

Cheers…

*sniff* *sniff*

*clears throat*

Hello ladies and gentlemen...

Moby ain't feeling too good. Leboo said its the weather, my mum said it's stress, my colleague thinks I'm preggo...either way I have a flu and its getting the better part of me. Now I'm sad *sad face*.

Please can someone tell me what my style of blogging is cos I don't seem to understand anymore...*covers face*... I spent hours blog stalking yesterday and I noticed everyone has a style...but I don't..... Its looks like I just come here to ramble and talk...like talk to you all..and then that's it. I need to know what this is...*straight face*.

Ehn ehn, I said there was going to be a give away this week abi?.....Hmmmmn... The item I was going to give away was stolen by my dear friend.... It was a perfume I got and I wanted to give it to someone on the blog but she came around, stole it...then called me when she got home and said "woman in case you are looking for your perfume, I stole it...now cos I've told you, it means I didn't steal it...I just borrowed it...never to return".....And that's how she just scattered my give away plan *rolls eyes*...... As much as I hate cooking up excuses, I would have to look for something else to give away. I'm sorry mi lovies.....*kisses*

June 4 is our day....some people said I should do a video...I dunno o. I don't know how clear video recording is with my phone but I'm thinking of doing something I am not so good at,..Comedy....LOL...I'm a terrible comedian..... I cant make anything laugh...even a cockroach *covers face*......anyway, I would also make Leboo do something he is not so good at which is Singing...LOL.... You guys are going to laugh your asses out when you hear his voice. And then I would make my own personal Beyonce, my sister, do a song for you guys. Or maybe my friend, Titi... I think that's something that can work. If you disagree say Nay...

I told you guys on Monday I twisted my hair. Some people said I looked good *yaaaaay* and some haters, bad belle, evil pipu (insert your own) said I look horrible...like a village woman. E.g My colleague, Mr Yomi, and then my friend Tijani. So I want you all to judge..... How do I look?...*big grin*

On Monday....with my pout..hehe

On Tuesday...still pouting..hehe

On Thursday...hair already rough due to jarunpa-ing

Still pouting...

I made some new friends over the week (see who's making friends o *points to self*)... Hallos Tuke and Omiye... Let's see if I can make our friendship work seeing everyone thinks I'm terrible at keeping friends.

To everyone that has been my friend from day one and kept up with my bullsh*t, thank you.... Sunbo, Bimbo, Chika, Bode. ..love you munchos.

To all my family here on blogsville, if I start mentioning names, I doubt we would leave here today. Thank you so much for keeping up with my nonsense, my 'no post days' and my 'nonsense post days', God bless you.

To all the friends that I would still make, just be warming up and get ready for a lot of crazy and fun. I love you already.

To the man that wants to marry me and make me, this drama queen, the mother of his kids, I love you like kilo n pop mehn. I love you.

Wait a minute, did you all notice Tito leaves comments on my blog now? What happened? Who amongst you threatened him? Is it cos one person mentioned Duru was planning to take his place and now he's marking his territory? Just saying o....*runs*

It is well. You all have a wonderfulous weekend. I need to rest well. I need it already.

I have one gist for everyone on Monday. So just stick around...okay.

Take care mi lovies.

Mwahhhhh

Cheers.....

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE

“Do not neglect your gift...”

(1 Timothy 4:14, NIV)

TODAY’S WORD

You were created and designed for a specific purpose. God has placed gifts inside of you to equip you to fulfill your purpose. Do you know what those gifts are? What are you passionate about? What can you do better than other people? What would you choose to do if there were no obstacles? God wants you to develop and pursue the gift inside of you because your gift is a part of your destiny.

The gifts God gives aren’t just for us. He gives us gifts to help build other people. You have a specific role to play in the body of Christ. That doesn’t mean God’s going to send you to a third world country or make you preach. But, there are people all around you that only you can reach. Are you using your gifts to build the kingdom? Are you serving in your local church? Even if you are still discovering what your gifts are, you can simply take a step and volunteer. Everyone has something to give. You can give a smile, a handshake or an encouraging word. When you step out and serve others, that’s how you develop your gift and move forward in the destiny He has for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father, thank You for equipping me to fulfill my destiny. Thank You for walking with me and guiding me. Show me ways to develop the gifts You have given me so that I can be a blessing everywhere I go in Jesus’ name. Amen.

— Joel & Victoria Osteen

Helloo ooo

Awayu.....

Did You know?.....That there was never anything as 'Boy' in the 1800's, Girls were called Girls, and what we call boys now were called 'Knave girls'.......they should have left it that way joor *rolls eyes*

Good morning mi beaurifus and handsomes......*wink*

Its Monday again o.,,*sighs*....... I don't like Mondays at all but it’s better than it used to be....at least better than before....

Someone sent me a mail last week asking if she's welcome to this blog???......Ewoo ooo chineke me e... I think I should start having a 'you are welcome' party for people who visit D.O.A.L.D.Q for the 1st time..*thinking*....... Swirrie pie, you are welcome anytime...don't feel like a visitor o...as long as you read this blog, you are already a Mobylizer....gbam!.. To all the first time commenters, mwahhhh to all of you... Everyone is welcome...everyone is a friend.....shout out to my blogsville family too.....*kisses*

For our 1st year blog anniversary, I have been thinking of a joke but none is forth coming at all....*see wahala ooo*...what would I record oo???.....And Leboo is contemplating going for voice training classes before the 4th of June... because he knows he would destroy loads of ear drums.....hahaha. That boy..err .man...errr...'Knave girl'...LOL....has suffered in my hands...I'm sorry huni *Big kiss*

Ok, on an official note *serious mode activated*....My company is recruiting at the moment. The following positions are vacant:

Medical officer - M.B.B.S minimum 2 years experience (post N.Y.S.C)
Senior Medical officer - M.B.B.S minimum 5 years (post N.Y.S.C)
Consultant paediatrician - FWACP / FMC Paed. with relevant experience
Consultant Obs and Gynaecologist - FMCOG / FWACS with relevant experience
Nursing officers - RN, SRN. minimum 2 years post basic nursing experience.
Senior nursing officers - RN, SRN. minimum 5 years posr midwifery experience.
Admin officer - B.Sc / HND in management 3 years experience (post N.Y.S.C)
Lab. Scientist / Technician - B.Sc in Lab science / tech. with 3 years experience
Pharmacist - B.pharm with minimum 3 years experience in hospital pharmacy
Pharmacy Technician - Diploma from school of health science tech. with 2 year post qualification experience
Front desk officers - minimum diploma in secretarial studies, public relations / admin with good typing and computer skills.
Cashier - OND accounting / financial studies with 2 years experience

Send in your letter of application with detailed CV and scanned copies of current practising license to (admin@hecahn.com) within 1 weeks of advert.

You can tell a friend to tell a cousin to send in their Cv's...PLEASE NOT to my Gmail account but to the company's account..... Please and please don't send your Cv to this blog...I am only informing y'all. Okay...thank you.

Since the advert was placed in the Punch newspaper, we've gotten over two thousand Cv's and still counting and I was given the responsibility to arrange each CV into different posts....*phew*.. Mehn it is not easy and in doing this, I have come across so many 'errors of life'...as in, I have seen many many application errors. Some errors applicants make can make any Interviewer or potential employer throw up. I am going to mention a few below so we can learn from it..(Me sef dey learn..). Most times we apply for jobs and we keep wondering why we don't get a reply from these companies and most times, It’s really not their fault but because Cv's were sent in with loads of mistakes.

Ok,Here we go.

*Rename your Cv: If your cv is in this format '523ghbjj65557899', please rename it to your name so anyone can easily identify your Cv, if by chance it gets missing. E.g. 'Adolphus Duru Resume'. If by chance your cv is downloaded and it ends up in someone else's folder, the HR or whoever is compiling can easily locate it and create a folder for you. Someone sent in a cv and he named it sexymo Cv...please no one is interested in how you look. Every employer is looking for what you can offer.

*The subject of your mail should indicate the post you’re applying for. Don't send a mail without a subject. Most times the HR will not open a mail without subject.

*Please and please, if your email address shows how unserious you are, then I doubt you would get your dream job. Why will your email be 'fuckthisrubbish@yahoo.com'. or 'pussybee@gmail.com'? Please if you belong to this group, I urge you to go to the cyber cafe now and open an account with your name and surname. Please people don't kill your employer before you become an employee.

*Begging your future employer in your cover letter? Yes we know there are no jobs out there but desist from putting unnecessary information in your cover letter. E.g. "I am a very hardworking person. I promise to do anything you want me to do. I will do extra hours if you want me to. Just give me a chance to prove myself please"... Really?.. Don't do that....Keep a level of professionalism always.

*Lastly, if you get a call from the company to come for an interview, do not stalk whoever's number you have in the company. It makes you look desperate and I'm sure no company wants to hire a desperado.

There are so many other mistakes I noted but I really do not want to bore anyone...I'm sure there are Mobylizers that can add to this and share some experiences and wisdom with us....We would love to read from you.

Don't forget to send in your application to admin@hecahn.com.

*thats if you qualify for the position ooo*...lol

Have a wondeful week mi lovies.

Cheers....

*yawwnnnnnnnnnnsssss*

For some weird reason the only song coming to my head now is "Drunk in love"....you know you can sing that song while yawning....like

**druuunnkkk innn loooovvveeee...aaahhhhmmmmm**

Lmao....

I’m actually sleepy like mheeeen....but I just gats to do something for ya'll Mobylizers.....My peoples...*wink*

So....hmmmn....*gbeborun*... Leboo said I should inform everybody that he's doing audition for backup singers, dancers and video vixens for the blogversary video post..... He is also looking for a good location for his video… ooo ...he is really taking this singing thing serious...(I taya *rolls eyes* ) ...Please oo If you are interested, indicate in the comment section. He has been doing some serious practicing too...*sighs*.... I'm sure he has been drinking lots of hot water and honey in preparation for the 4th of June. I can't wait for the day *excited*.... My friend Titi did her own video yesterday but we had lots of background noise and so we are shooting another video tomorrow *director mode activated*....LOL

Have you ever been embarrassed by your zippers?

Once in Uni, I left the hostel feeling funky...little did I know my pink panties was saying hi to everyone till my class crush told me my zipper was down...*covers face with shirt and both hands*... I wanted to die.. .like seriously!!!!.Me that I was forming fly, ashey all my pant dey for public spectacle....Thank God it wasn't torn...*covers face* LOL

So I was surfing the net some days ago and I found one very simple way of holding your zipper up. There are some zippers that can never stay up *frown*... it’s like one evil spirit followed them from wherever they were made and it makes sure the zippers never stays up...evullls.

So here is a simple way of keeping it up.

SOURCE
1) Get a key holder ring....they usually come with key holders.. Remove it and fix into your zip hole.

2) Pull the zipper up and then hang on to the button.

3) Button up your jeans.

C'EST FINI.... meaning finish.

As simple and straight forward as that.

When I got to know this trick, I just couldn't wait to share with everyone.

So stop going about with your zippers down. You shall not be forgiven if you ever let it embarrass you...Especially men.... that decide to sail free...without boxers...LOL....

On Monday, I did a makeover for my neighbor’s kid. She's 4 years old and she loves fashion and makeup and so I did a little panel beating on her face. What do you think?

P.S: I wasn't bored o...my palm was just itching me...and she was available and willing to be my model..hehe.

Before I forget...Please...please...please.. Guys stop sending your Cvs to me. Its not fair.... I already mentioned it in the post that your Cv's should be sent to the company's email addy and not mine. Please if you've sent your Cv to me, resend it to admin@hecahn.com with the post your applying for as title of mail. Thank you....

In Calabar gals words "receive sense"....and in Bukky's counter words...."Receive eyesight".......I receive oo....LOOOL

So have a wonderful Wednesday.

Cheers....

*LOUD SIGH*

It's a hard-knock life for us!

'Stead of treated,

We get tricked!

'Stead of kisses,

We get kicked!

It's a hard-knock life!!!!

If you do mistake and put Nigeria's issue on your head, you will not know when you'll leave a bullet there... Its so crazy.

WE ARE GOING ON STRIKE ON BLOGSVILLE... #Ain't nobody got fuel for that....

If you want to hear from me, just send me 25 litres of fuel... then I can resell as black market *no jokes*

It's just so crazy.. People are buying fuel for as high as 500 naira per litre.... For what? I even heard one man got shot in the leg for selling fuel for 1000 naira per litre. He deserves it shey??? Something we buy for 87 naira per litre... What is the way forward my Nigerian people... This fuel thing is not funny at all....as in!!! *straight face*...its "teribu".....What is going on in this country? ...I really do not like where we are heading...with all these fuel & power issues...Imagine, I had to go to a friend's office to charge my phone... You won't believe I went all the way to Ikeja from Ogba yesterday to charge the phones*phew*.....Getting to work this morning was even a miracle.

God help us all.

Shey we should just scrap weekend download today ehn?

If I hear that I do not gist you all... taaaa...

So on Friday, I went for a provincial headquarters vigil. Most people do not know this but I am NYCLOPHOBIC. I hate walking late cos of my fear of the dark...weird shey? But being out with peeps from church made me calm. We had strong men amongst us *yinmu*

My sister had told me days before that she was going for an owanbe (she didn't invite me *rolls eyes*) and she wanted me to fix her face for her...So on Saturday, after I had woken up, I did some panel beating on her face. Here's what she looked like...What do you guys think?

This weekend was okay... no owanbe at all tho...*sad face*..... Thanks to all of you that didn't invite me.. I will not invite you for mine too... SLY *evullls*

Still on the matter my peoples, I was able to shoot part of video yesterday (for our blogversary)....I have the most amazing people around me...shout out to Elawtics, Leboo, Della, paparazzi.... love you munchos....*MUAH*. I have been thinking of a joke since but all I came up with is 'So one day Akpos went...* Dasall...I doubt I can make a dog laugh... Maybe I should just dance...cos comedy ain't my thing. Please guys can I just swap to dancing? Abeg

So one of us (a Mobylizer) asked that I involve everyone in the blogversary post.. I thought about something like that before o but I didn't want to stress you all....so here's what he suggested:,,.

He said I should Invite mobilizers to create a Happy Blogversary post on Instagram or any other social media with a photo/word app...then I would choose my favorites and do a post that features all your love notes. The 1st time he mentioned it, I swear I did not understand at all.. Big big grammar in my ears...

But if you understand and you are interested,you can post your picture with a #mobylizer or inform me if you have posted it on other social media so I can know.

Here is an example he did and I munched... Fine boy no pimplez *bats lashes*. I didn't know we had fine people here o..kai

That's the face behind the name VICTOR

I think we can do this right? So starting from today, you can put up your picture, inform me that you have and then I can compile the pictures. If you are not following me yet on instagram, you can follow me on @mz_moby or twitter @mobyImp_1.

Don't forget let me know. There might just be a give away on the 4th of June also....*Thumbs up + wink* Make sure you stick around so you wont carry last. Thank you all so much for your time and patience. Mi love y'all.

There is something about the people in my office... they do not like taking pictures with me... they think or they know that I will put it up here... While I was taking my picture jejely today, Dr. Dami (the ajebutter colleague of mine) decided to show face and in my mind I was like 'YES.... YOU HAVE ENTERED MY TRAP' *evil grin*. Introducing Dr. Dami... She is also a blogger. You should check out her blog at www.theunderwearconsultant.blogspot.com.

I was happy she photo bombed my pictures.. I love you too Dr. D *KISSES*

I pray that this week would be a blessed one for us all....may God almighty visit the problems of this country and make it well in Jesus name. Amen

Cheers...

.......And the strike begins...until Wednesday when I shall call off the strike myself *hehe*

*Drops mic*
*removes shoe*
*puts it on my head*
*the trekking begins*
Where is that pure water woman sef... #Ain'tnobodygotfuelforthat

*dancing*

Fuel oooo....fuel oooo

*things are getting better....things are getting better*

Who believes that God resides in Nigeria...and goes to visit other countries?*covers face* I believe ooo cos I can see prayers being answered...

The strike has officially been called off right here #SomebodyGotfuelForThat...hehe

So I was nominated by Sandra. Mhen... We have amazing writers in blogsville fa. Thanks girl for the nomination....*kisses... She wants to know what is inside Moby's bag....hmmmnnn...dis one get as e be oo... Let's do this......

Truth is, I really only store as little as I can in my bag cos I hate when I have do ultimate search to get my phone out of my bag and then massage my hand at the end of the day.

So, here is a list of what you'll most likely find in Moby's bag....

Yes my bag is filled with wires...hehe

1. You will always see a BOOK OR A JOURNAL in my bag and in some cases, loads of tissue and paper that I write quick ideas on *yes I write on tissue paper too*... When I see something and I think I should write and my phone is not available at the time, I just scribble down on the next thing I can find.

2 . I always have my LIPSTICK AND/OR LIPGLOSS. You all don't know this but I have black lips.. dark lips.... This is as a result of a drug reaction I had as a teenager... I no dey smoke weed o...not like I have anything against weed smokers....LOL

3.EARPIECE...... is there another way I can say this.....:::. My earpiece is the most important item in my bag..*shikena*..... Once I forgot my earpiece at home, I came down from the bus to buy another one. I have 3 earpieces at the moment. You don't believe me? Here's a picture.

I can almost pass out if I leave my house without my ear piece. Its like my bestest buddy especially in Lagos transport *grins*.

4. PHONE CHARGER... Let me say something ...(I stand corrected though)... If you are a Nigerian and you don't have your charger with you all the time then *silence**whispers* you are a learner ooo...hehe. I don't know what to say really...

5. POWDER.: Once I was comparing the life span of my powder with my friends' (Sunbo) and it was obvious I use powder a whole lot. I have a very oily face and so I feel touching up is a big deal for me if I want to always look fresh... abi....*winks*

I occasionally have something to chew in my bag. I am very cautious of bad breathe and so anytime I eat something, I pop chewing gum or candy immediately. I can't let somebody come and go and die of stale breathe..hehe

MY WALLET.....which contains my ATM card.

MY PHONES.....a necessity. I took the picture with my phone... reason I didn't include it.

Finally, I have a generator in my bag....Incase there's no light where I'm going to...hehe... Just joking.

So I'm going to tag...

1. Dr. Dami of www.theunderwearconsultant.blogspot.com

2. Bolateethole of www.bolateethole.blogspot.com

3.Tibs of www.everydaytibs.blogspot.com

4. Esther of www.thewayestherseesit.blogspot.com

5. Gloria of www.trendswithgloria.blogspot.com

Many people have already done the tag so I'm just assuming the people I nominated have not. If you've not and would like to, please receeeeive this tag and inform me you have... *in Calabar gal's voice* receive tag...! I would love to read it. Mwah.

Ok lovies......#offtobuyfuel...LOL

P.S: HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY MOBYLIZERS... I am still a child (ayam a child of God and I am a child of Iya Dayo)...hehe. I am going to take myself out today since iya Dayo forgot I am still her child *sad face*

Cheers!

*In Lagy Gaga's voice*

Rah rah ah-ah-ah!
Ro mah ro-mah-mah
Gaga gaga oh-la-la!Want your....... *erhmmmm* RANTING..
*takes a bow*

I know I didn't make sense at the last line but you all get where I'm going to.

Its RANT TIME...

So yesterday I was going through Omowunmi's blog and it was like some part of it was talking to me...most especially the SELFIE part... Y'all can relate to her rant so enjoy.

Hey guys, this might be an unnecessary post to some people but i needed to speak up. So the weird thoughts in my head right now is about social media antics of people. For those who don't know me, i am really not a fan of social media at all. I barely use my bbm, whatsapp is just to follow my hair groups and talk to some friends that are far away and instagram/twitter is to keep up with trends and news. So for me a lot of things that are done are really extremely strange...

So here are somethings i find very weird...

1. Someone follows you, then sends a message that you should follow them. For what? Why should i follow you because you followed me uhn. It is really weird to me when i see people begging someone that is popular to follow them. Am i missing something?

2. What is up with all the amount of selfies people take? For God's sake, some people would go to a beautiful place and be so consumed with selfie taking that they miss the beauty of their environment. I am not a fan of always taking selfies. I checked out a friend's phone picture gallery and i can safely say that 80% of the pictures were her selfies..... I told her that she was truly a bonafide member of this generation. I read that Prince Harry told a fan that he was not a fan of selfies and i said 'a man after my own heart'. My selfies usually have a reason for me taking it. If you follow me on instagram, you would notice there is always a story or write up that accompanies my pictures.

3. Must people show everything on social media?.....Honestly!! I have seen ridiculousity in the name of 'i want to be a social media celeb' or something that i don't understand. I really wonder what people would have done in the era of Nokia 3310. In fact people are now stealing people's pictures and fake situations just to be popular. A whole load of nonsense if you ask me.... And what is with people fighting on internet? If you have a problem with someone go to their house or call them and argue with them, no one needs to read all you childish squabbling...

4. What is with everybody having an opinion about you uhn. There is so much internet/social media fights/dissing and trolls. People would not know you from jack and begin to offer advices that are questionable. So many people have committed suicides and unspeakable things just because of some self acclaimed knowledgeable people aka faceless internet/social media bullies.

5. Changing your display picture like every 30 minutes may be normal to people but it is very weird to me. When after almost 4 months of not putting up my picture as my dp i changed it to my birthday picture, someone had to ask what happened. Because it was (and still extremely) rare for me to put up my picture. I know right, i am super weird....lol.

I seem to have forgotten some other stuff i find weird because i am on call but when i do remember i would be sure to update you guys.....

Yes i know, this is a very silly post but hey i feel like being silly today..... #celebratingweirdnesstoday....lol

Luv ya,

Petite Diva....

*Moby covers face*
*walks away*

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER

OH BABY....KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI

PUBIC DILEMA..... TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE

WEEKEND + MONDAY DIGEST = PURGING

RANT - SEASON 18 BY MOBY

PROFESSIONAL WHAT?

THE WORD FOR TODAY- OVERFLOW WITH THANKFULNESS

D FOR DEAL BREAKER

DEAR MOBY SPECIAL EDITION

IN MY HEAD

WEEKEND DOWNLOAD: MY MANE AND I

WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED TO A WOMAN WITH NATURAL HAIR

RANT - SEASON 19 BY ANONYMOUS

SOME RANDOM POST

THE WORD FOR TODAY - DEVELOP YOUR GIFT

MONDAY AGAIN + VACANCY

KEEP YOUR ZIPPERS UP + COUNTDOWN BEGINS

WEEKEND DOWNLOAD - HARD KNOCK LIFE

THE HORROR IN MY BAG

RANT - SEASON 20 BY OMOWUNMI